I get by with a little help from my friends…..

I get by with a little help from my friends…...

Stop the world I want to get off….

SQUEEZES FROM THE COLONIES ❤ I LOVE YOU AND YEAH, I GOT THE MEMO ~ FUCK CANCER !!

fingbulletproof

Well chemo time is looming tomorrow & I cannot even describe the level of how much I don’t want to go…. It’s not an enticing idea really to willingly go and freeze my head for 3 hours and have poison pumped into my body. That strong person that wants to fight the cancer just isn’t here tonight. Instead there’s this tired and scared version of me and I hate that person.
I had a meltdown before my first chemo and I’m figuring I’ll probably have one before every session because fighting and being strong is just exhausting and every now and then there’s going to be a chink in my armour. My hair has been coming out in chunks the last two days & I’ve been close to giving in and just shaving my head so I don’t have to deal with it anymore but I’ve been persuaded to keep…

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The good, the bad & the ugly…..

I LOVE YOU !!! FUCK CANCER

fingbulletproof

Some random thoughts….

The good

I spent some quality time with my brother Richard when he came to chemo with me & now I feel closer to him than I have in way too many years

I’ve had a lot of time to think about things and it’s made me realise I spent too much time stressing about the stupid stuff that in the grand scheme of things just doesn’t matter

I’ve caught up with some friends I haven’t seen in a long time & who I probably wouldn’t have caught up with were it not for my diagnosis and also connected more online with some friends from my past which makes me happy

My BFF Wendy is over here from LA and I’m loving just hanging out with her

I’ve had some lovely gifts and cards from around the world & Steve Carlson made me smile & cry all…

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The dreaded chemo….

love, light and god speed healing to my beloved BFF

fingbulletproof

So just over a week after chemo & i have to say it’s kicked my ass more than I expected.

Firstly the chemo itself… Well other than a little tingling sensation as they put each of the drugs in there’s nothing much to talk about. The cold cap to try & preserve my hair is a whole other ball game…..

The first thing they do is wet your hair & put conditioner in it and then you get fitted for the cap itself & an overcap to keep it firmly in place. My dear brother Richard, who came and sat with me, took great delight in taking these photos

Then the machine is switched on & freezing cold water is pumped through the cap. Now I’d been warned it was like having an ice cream/slushie brain freeze but seriously the pain was incredible. Still, no pain no gain. I have…

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Out with the old, in with the new….

beautiful long or styled ❤

fingbulletproof

So Monday was the day of the haircut and the moment I’d been dreading since my diagnosis.

So this was my hair Friday night after the gig

 

And this is it after the haircut

 

 

I’ll be honest that I cried when the bulk of the hair was cut off but I like the cut, it’s a modern take on the hair cut I had in my late teens so it at least feels a little familiar. And everyone else seems to like it and says it makes me look younger, so that’s a bonus …..

Just hoping the cold capping treatment works so I at least keep this much hair 🙂

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Ramble on…………..

My beloved BFF of over 25 years is going through hell right now. May all my angels fly free to help her through this. I love you and hate the fact miles separate us! We will UNITE!!!! Ramble on my sweetness!!!

fingbulletproof

It’s been a tough few days to say the least………..

My 2nd chemo session/cold cap was every bit as hideous as the last except this time I was there pretty much all day. The Friday & Monday had been the Easter Bank Holidays so they were treating 3 days worth of patients and we all had to have our blood work done first & answer the questionnaire about side effects (managed to tick off every single one of those….). My hair had been shedding for a few days at that point but I still had quite a lot left so when the chemo nurse told me she didn’t think it was worth doing the cold cap as it would all be gone by the weekend anyway I saw red a little. I told her that if I wasn’t doing the cold cap then I wasn’t doing the chemo either, yeah…

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